How to solve The Simpsons crisis

There be a crisis brewing over in the land of American television and you will never guess what it’s about. Ya huh, got it in one; money.

The main voice actors for The Simpsons, probably the single most influential television product ever and longest run US comedy series, have refused a 45% pay cut to their $8 million a season salaries and Fox are refusing to play ball. The voice actors have offered a 35% pay cut and a share of the show’s profits, the argument I may well take into my next pay discussion at the supermarket where I currently work.

Anywho, the show is expected to have enough episodes to run until May next year with the dispute being solved by December so the show’s writers can come up with a season or series finale, perhaps involving some kind of Futurama crossover but almost certainly not.

The Simpsons creates billions of dollars in syndication and merchandise for Fox so its loss would be huge to those all important Murdoch profit margins but, being the helpful sort, I’ve come up with some replacement show ideas for them. Free of charge.

1.

An animation revolving around the escapades of a white, American family that consists of the stupidest man on earth as the father, an almost as stupid son, a evil baby who has homosexual undertones, a stereotypical housewife mother, a dull as dishwater daughter and a talking, alcoholic dog. But, get this, you fill it with cutaway cultural gags and make it rather crude! Huh? Eh? Whatadyathink?

2.

Alternatively, you could run with this; a cartoon show that looks at the mundane activities in the lives of a white, working class, Methodist family from a fictional Texas town. The father can work in middle-management, there could be a fat son and a delusional mother where catchphrases are the order of the day.

3.

Or, better yet, I’ve got this. A show that, using the format of drawing, showcases a white, American family and the adventures they get up to. The father can work at the CIA and be right wing, the daughter can be something of a leftist (ooooo cue tension!), a nerdy son and a ditzy wife. Oh, and for some comic relief, a talking, alcoholic alien with a fondness of dressing up and homosexual undertones and a man trapped in the body of a fish who speaks three times a series. Boom, $$$$.

4.

Finally, if you want a branch out a bit and tamper slightly with the formula, there is this idea. Load up your animation software and take the working class family, a moustachioed father figure, the fat son, the talking baby and two generic female characters to make the wife and daughter and, now hear me out here, change their skin colour. Bingo, Yahtzee, prime time gold.

PS. I’m rather aware that this riff may have got old by the time you had read to #2 but hey, you’re the one that read this far