Hello and welcome to the inaugural (and probably last and only ever) Somewhat Significant Awards. The basic format of this will be that I'll remember something from 2010 (which isn't a lot as I was drunk or working nights for most of it) and I'll attach a sarcastic award to it. These awards will cover literally anything that I can remember so will mainly be stuff that has happened in the last six-and-a-half minutes. Enjoy.
The Mighty Boosh Award for comedy series that may have overstayed it's welcome
Jointly awarded (I dunno we'll saw the trophy in half or summink) to Peep Show and The Inbetweeners. Peep Show appears to have run its course with season 7 with the writers struggling to make Mark and Jez's transformations into true adulthood really work or be funny. Meanwhile, The Inbetweeners slid from identifiable for many teenagers (the perfect antidote to the laughably outrageous Skins) to just simply being reliant on tall girls, protruding testicles and the word 'clunge' for laughs. Hi-larious.
Comedic Line of the Year
No real contest here, screw all your comedies and comedians. Step forward, Mr Joe Wilkes, Pugwash News' Sports Editor. Upon being presented with my Secret Santa present of a book on sportswriting and a condom, his response was: "Dan's got me a book to read and a condom which I'll probably just look at." Still makes me smile to this day.
The John Terry/Wayne Rooney award for making an entire sector of society look bad by association
The student that threw the fire extinguisher off the roof of Millbank, thus providing a defining image for the right-wing media to concentrate on and to focus attention away from the point of the protests by painting all protesters with the same tarred brush. All the arguments for and against raising tuition fees were instantly brushed under the rug. Thanks Edward Wollard, you great big tit. On a similar note, can the Socialist Workers Party please fuck right off rather than infiltrating popular protests to promote their rightly forlorn movement?
The Joseph Heller award for worst Catch-22 to be found in
The winner by a clear mile here, everyone's favourite lightening rod for Tory hate, Nick Clegg. Caught between the devil (Gordown Brown) and the deep blue sea (the Tory party) following the elections, Cleggy had to jump into bed with one of them and either way, in the words Kilroy, he was shafted. Side with Labour and then the second and third most popular parties in the election would win, go with Tories and you'd be joined at the hip with the party you have nothing in common with. Clegg went for the latter and went from being an Obama-lite figure to public enemy number one, no mean feat in just six months.
Mindfuck of the Year
From headachingly bizarre General Election graphics on all the news channels to every idiot's favourite film (me included), Inception, 2010 has certainly been a year for mindfucks. But perhaps the biggest one was the continuing TV appearances of Katie Price and Kerry Katona who have a grand total of three brain cells between them and are less likely to say something insightful than a cucumber with a face crudely drawn on it.
The Danyl Johnson award for X Factor contestant coming to a pub near you soon
Following Johnson's appearance at the Oakford Social Club in Reading (not as a singer mind, just a pubgoer) the next to befall this fate will probably be Wagner looking for a girl with a working vagina to woo with his creepy Brazilian technique or Katie who will continue her slow descent into a delusional madness coma by drinking lots and lots of Fruli beer before throwing up into her equally mad drinking partner's hair. This partner being Gillian McKeith.
Biggest Waste of an Half Hour
A close run thing this one, with E4's Phoneshop (which had all the laughs of a night spent with Gordon Brown discussing vinegar) coming a close second. But, just pipping it, was my walk to the polling station back in May to vote Lib Dem. A better use of my half hour would have been to frolic about in my proletariat filth like I'm meant to.
The Lost award for most pointless, drawn-out US TV import
Pretty much a no-contest here, Channel 4's The Event promised intrigue and excitement. What it gave was a storyline so convoluted that it would cause the people that cracked the Enigma Code to reach for the Aspirin. Bringing together terrorism, aliens, the White House, kidnappings, assassins, romance was like trying to fit the entire contents of the universe into a Ford Focus.
Biggest Scaremongers
Unsurprisingly, this is a joint award between The Daily Mail, The Sun and Sky News. If it wasn't Raoul Moat that was going to kill us all, it was the TREACHEROUS snow and ice. Or, perhaps it was going to be the ash from the Icelandic volcano. Or maybe it was going to be Swine Flu. In the end, most of us survived the year without being killed to death by an unlikely cause.
The Audley Harrison award for least appropriate job description
Kay Burley calling herself a journalist when basically all she does is ask inappropriate questions at inappropriate times and shouting louder with her own opinions than the person she is meant to be interviewing for their opinions on a matter they have more authority on. Still, comeuppance must be round the corner, hopefully it will involve some kind of big hammer.
Sporting Team of the Year
The England cricket team, followed by a considerable amount of daylight. From winning England's first ever World Cup at cricket to retaining the Ashes it has been a pretty perfect year for English cricket and with a relatively young team and home series' against Sri Lanka and India next summer, two of the top three teams in the world, 2011 could be even better.
Lookalike of the year
Michael Buble's resemblance to a gorilla expertly shaved to look like a passable human being in a variety of suits. I've seen less square-jawed human beings in videos at museums showing how the theory of evolution works.
Most versatile TV personality
Step forward Mr Phillip Schofield, the silver-haired fox that is more than welcome to root around in my rubbish bins any day of the week. Whether he was darting from a depressing story about rape to a discussion about the X Factor on This Morning or playing quizmaster/divorce enhancer on Celebrity Mr&Mrs or standing very very still on bizarre gameshow The Cube. Schofield could do just about everything in 2010, except handle his drink.
Person with the most punchable face in Britain award
There is no winner for the most prestige award on offer, just a list of candidates, who would you pick? Candidates include; Nick Clegg, Simon Cowell, Kay Burley, David Cameron, Peter Andre, John Terry, Wayne Rooney, Michael McIntyre, James Corden, Justin Bieber to name but ten.
Happy New Year all!
Thursday 30 December 2010
Tuesday 7 December 2010
Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1- 12A- 9 out of 10
As some of you may know, I edit the Arts & Entertainment section for the University of Portsmouth's student rag, Pugwash News, duly plugged. Anywho, when the seventh and penultimate Harry Potter film came out, my deputy editor submitted a review giving it 10 out of 10 saying "Jesus would bow down to this movie."
Now for some context, at the beginning of the year, we (by which I mean the A&E team) agreed that only the Second Coming would get a 10/10 review. However, I could see where my deputy was coming from with this rating.
Harry Potter has been such a huge part of the lives of our generation for so long. From the first book to this, the second from last film, it has been the defining cultural product of the past decade. It has guided us through all of the pitfalls of growing up, first day at a new school, first kiss, first fights with friends, first relationships, first break ups. It has covered everything for us, except sex of course, despite the fact wizard sex would be absolutely awesome, no "well-that's-never-happened-before" situations with wizard sex I'll bet.
So, going in to this film, expectations were as high as a stoner atop a skyscraper and we all know the equation that expectation=disappointment. Thankfully, however, once in a while expectations can be met. This film is very good.
Of course, to anyone who has read the book, the dark plot will be familiar. This is the darkest book of the lot with our three heroes abandoning Hogwarts to go, essentially on the run. This has given the film series a much needed change of scenery as the corridors of Hogwarts are replaced with some truly stunning British landscapes, from forests to lakes to coastlines.
From the beautiful locations used to shoot the out-and-about scenes to the perfectly lighted indoor scenes, in terms of directorship, this film is just perfect. Reflecting the generally dark aspect of the book, a lot of the film is shot darkly.
The issue with many of the past films has been the acting. Not the overall cast, that has always been exception with the best of the best British acting talent being utilised. Bill Nighy is the latest big name to be cast and naturally, he is super, as Rufus Scrimgeour, under-fire Minister of Magic. Elsewhere, Ralph Fiennes and Helena Bonham-Carter put in customary excellent turns as Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange. No, the issue of acting in the past has been the younger actors. This is no longer an issue.
Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson have all come of age as acting talents, particularly Grint. The increasing tension, both emotionally and indeed sexually, between the trio is portrayed perfectly. Yes some lines over acted but that's to be expected in a film branding itself 'the most important film event of this generation'.
This Potter film combines some many different elements of filmmaking just perfectly. Witness the tender moments, such as Harry and Hermione's dance together. Witness the funny moments, the seven Harrys. Witness the action moments, from the flight from the Dursley's house to the climactic scene at Malfoy's mansion. Witness the emotional moments, Dobby's death. All effortlessly put together in a single two and a half hour package.
It says a lot when my one issue with the film is that it doesn't follow the plot line of the book to the letter but that is impossible to achieve as otherwise the film would be about ten hours long. And yes, the plot of the film still works so that is not too big of a problem.
Overall, this latest film in the series just left me incapable of waiting until July for the final chapter when not just the film, but an era really, comes to an end.
Now for some context, at the beginning of the year, we (by which I mean the A&E team) agreed that only the Second Coming would get a 10/10 review. However, I could see where my deputy was coming from with this rating.
Harry Potter has been such a huge part of the lives of our generation for so long. From the first book to this, the second from last film, it has been the defining cultural product of the past decade. It has guided us through all of the pitfalls of growing up, first day at a new school, first kiss, first fights with friends, first relationships, first break ups. It has covered everything for us, except sex of course, despite the fact wizard sex would be absolutely awesome, no "well-that's-never-happened-before" situations with wizard sex I'll bet.
So, going in to this film, expectations were as high as a stoner atop a skyscraper and we all know the equation that expectation=disappointment. Thankfully, however, once in a while expectations can be met. This film is very good.
Of course, to anyone who has read the book, the dark plot will be familiar. This is the darkest book of the lot with our three heroes abandoning Hogwarts to go, essentially on the run. This has given the film series a much needed change of scenery as the corridors of Hogwarts are replaced with some truly stunning British landscapes, from forests to lakes to coastlines.
From the beautiful locations used to shoot the out-and-about scenes to the perfectly lighted indoor scenes, in terms of directorship, this film is just perfect. Reflecting the generally dark aspect of the book, a lot of the film is shot darkly.
The issue with many of the past films has been the acting. Not the overall cast, that has always been exception with the best of the best British acting talent being utilised. Bill Nighy is the latest big name to be cast and naturally, he is super, as Rufus Scrimgeour, under-fire Minister of Magic. Elsewhere, Ralph Fiennes and Helena Bonham-Carter put in customary excellent turns as Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange. No, the issue of acting in the past has been the younger actors. This is no longer an issue.
Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson have all come of age as acting talents, particularly Grint. The increasing tension, both emotionally and indeed sexually, between the trio is portrayed perfectly. Yes some lines over acted but that's to be expected in a film branding itself 'the most important film event of this generation'.
This Potter film combines some many different elements of filmmaking just perfectly. Witness the tender moments, such as Harry and Hermione's dance together. Witness the funny moments, the seven Harrys. Witness the action moments, from the flight from the Dursley's house to the climactic scene at Malfoy's mansion. Witness the emotional moments, Dobby's death. All effortlessly put together in a single two and a half hour package.
It says a lot when my one issue with the film is that it doesn't follow the plot line of the book to the letter but that is impossible to achieve as otherwise the film would be about ten hours long. And yes, the plot of the film still works so that is not too big of a problem.
Overall, this latest film in the series just left me incapable of waiting until July for the final chapter when not just the film, but an era really, comes to an end.
Re-reviewed- The Event @ 9pm- Channel 4- 3 out of 10
Back on Saturday 23rd October (although it seems like yesterday, where does the time go eh?) I said this about The Event " The basic plot, from what I can work out so far, is that people-looking aliens (representing terrorists), are locked up in an Alaskan military prison (representing Guantanamo Bay), until President Martinez (representing Obama) decides to release them."
Now, in the 7 episodes since then, a lot has happened, some relevant, some irrelevant, some possibly relevant, some possibly irrelevant. The simple fact of the matter is, anybody without a PhD at the very least, has lost all track of this show. Even its Wikipedia page lacks a plot synopsis for Gawd's sake!
Characters appear and disappear, often leaving for episodes at a time. Vice President Jarvis, hitherto such a peripheral character that he may well have not existed, now turns out to be a central character. And now he's dead! Double you, tee, eff?!
Storylines disappear and then come back. There appears to be a three layers to the plot; one involving the White/FBI/Intelligence Services, the next involving the conspiracy between the aliens and the shady organisation looking to hide their identity and the last is the Sean/Leila storyline being chased by said shady organisation. The issue being with these storylines is that they are so broad that it's impossible to fit all of them into one 40 minute episode.
Therefore, each episode focuses on particular strand, with small references to the others. Unless you have the memory of a particularly attentive elephant, The Event is impossible to follow. Little events may well prove to be important but no one can then remember when they happened. Was there a change of tie that the President was wearing? Did Director Sterling's spectacles change? Will this prove to be important?
Furthermore, the Event is just completely unrealistic. What kind of car can drive from Arizona to Texas in a day? How can a car-bomb turn up at the exact spot where the VP escapes from after his betrayal to the shady organisation? How can surgery on a gun wound in a back street occur and the doctor performing it say "You're gonna be alright."?
It's almost as if the show's writers are trying to be too clever with the show, in a similar way to Lost, and are digging themselves into a bigger and bigger hole. There is going to have to be a whole lot of explaining and clarifying to do to salvage what was once a promising show.
Now, in the 7 episodes since then, a lot has happened, some relevant, some irrelevant, some possibly relevant, some possibly irrelevant. The simple fact of the matter is, anybody without a PhD at the very least, has lost all track of this show. Even its Wikipedia page lacks a plot synopsis for Gawd's sake!
Characters appear and disappear, often leaving for episodes at a time. Vice President Jarvis, hitherto such a peripheral character that he may well have not existed, now turns out to be a central character. And now he's dead! Double you, tee, eff?!
Storylines disappear and then come back. There appears to be a three layers to the plot; one involving the White/FBI/Intelligence Services, the next involving the conspiracy between the aliens and the shady organisation looking to hide their identity and the last is the Sean/Leila storyline being chased by said shady organisation. The issue being with these storylines is that they are so broad that it's impossible to fit all of them into one 40 minute episode.
Therefore, each episode focuses on particular strand, with small references to the others. Unless you have the memory of a particularly attentive elephant, The Event is impossible to follow. Little events may well prove to be important but no one can then remember when they happened. Was there a change of tie that the President was wearing? Did Director Sterling's spectacles change? Will this prove to be important?
Furthermore, the Event is just completely unrealistic. What kind of car can drive from Arizona to Texas in a day? How can a car-bomb turn up at the exact spot where the VP escapes from after his betrayal to the shady organisation? How can surgery on a gun wound in a back street occur and the doctor performing it say "You're gonna be alright."?
It's almost as if the show's writers are trying to be too clever with the show, in a similar way to Lost, and are digging themselves into a bigger and bigger hole. There is going to have to be a whole lot of explaining and clarifying to do to salvage what was once a promising show.
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