Urban Annoyance #1438

I do love cities and towns; I do so very much love them. Where else are all your human needs catered for within the radius of about 500 yards? Want some bread and milk? No problem, there is a Tesco Express around the corner. Want some souvalaki? Easy, there is a Greek restaurant just up the road. Want to read a Jane Austen novel in solitude? Look there is a library (take that villages!). Want to get beaten over the head with a pool cue by a fat, shaven-headed EDL fascist? There's one of 'those' pubs in every urban area. Want some oral sex delivered by a Romanian mother of five? Look down yonder dark alley and ye shall find your exotic bounty.

My point is that everything you can possibly want can be found in a city and quite possibly everything you don't want too. However, there are certain things that get on all of our collective tits when it comes to city life. Here is one.

Neighbours who lack empathy

So, it is around 8.30am in the morning and it's a lie in day. There you are all safe and warm in your bed, fast asleep with your head filled with nothing but your odd dreams when BANG you are awoken by the sound of a dog tied to a rail barking and barking and barking and barking. It doesn't matter what type of dog it is, little poodle or big wolfhound, you ain't going back to sleep, sucker. And don't try to do something constructive, there's no concentrating when one single repetitive noise is coming at ya, constantly.

So, you get out of bed, have a shower, get dressed and open your windows to the sight of your neighbours looking right back at you through the window, as if you were some kind of naked deity with a message, trapped inside a hourglass (I have no idea what I'm talking about either). This will prove to be a regular feature of your day, everytime you get close to a window, the same neighbours will be staring up at you through your window, get used to it.

Later on, in the evening, when you want to relax in the peace and quiet, maybe with the TV and your special other half, a nice film, a glass of wine setting the mood, this could be a perfect night. But oh no it won't, those voyeuristic neighbours of yours have decided to stop gazing at your window and get into a drunken brawl with lots of shouting. Mood sufficiently ruined, thanks strange alcoholic man and fat, bald dude. All this to the background noise of your other neighbour's ATM machine alarm going off.

Then you have the sound of DIY, the monotonous banging of a hammer on a piece of wood, the foul screeching of a drill making a hole in something that shouldn't have a hole in it and the shouts of the people operating these tools as they struggle to convey their gentle whimsy over the sound of their machines to their other companions as they go about changing their big, huge, neon sign.

Did I mention I live above a Co-op convenience store and opposite a pub? Oh, well, now you know. Kind of essential to the story actually. Ah well, continue on with your life.