The Whole 19 Yards- ITV1- Saturdays @7pm- 5 out of 10

ITV Saturday night primetime slot, the Holy Grail for producers. From 'You've Been Framed' which finishes at 7pm to some drama type show at 9pm, there is two hours to fill which no producer has yet been able to fill properly.

What ITV appears to like doing is some kind of 'revolving door' meets 'Clark Kent's phone box' type system where shows go in and out and return slightly re-packaged than they were before. For example, 'Britain's Got Talent' is just 'X Factor' with the field of performing arts being thrown open wider. 'Take Me Out' was 'Blind Date' gone somehow more wrong, 'All Star Mr & Mrs' was 'Mr & Mrs' sprinkled with z-list celebrity star dust and 'The Cube' was a vision of the future world government where we must all undertake challenges in a Perspex box.

Which all brings me on neatly to the next game show attempting to fill this void, 'The Whole 19 Yards' which basically brings together 'Total Wipeout' but puts it indoors, not in Argentina and gives its contestants crotch-hugging outfits. Oh, and loveable everyman Richard Hammond is replaced by punchable Vernon Kay, this generation's Chris Tarrant, albeit a Northern one, but 'the-unquenchable-desire-to-host-gameshows' gene is mostly definitely present. Whilst his co-host is your bog standard, generic orange-skinned colloquialism addict in a tight, short dress.

What follows is a brief play-by-play of how the hour long show will unfold. Contestants introduced. First obstacle course revealed. Questions asked. Contestants tackle obstacle course when they are certain they know the answer to one of the questions. Commentator makes inane comments and laughs when contestant C falls over. Contestant A (usually male) reaches end of obstacle course first. Kay greets him like he is a long lost friend feared dead in the Amazon. Contestant A answers question. Orange sex-object in dress consoles losers. Repeat until one contestant is eliminated each round.

The questions are so fiendishly difficult that a man living in a cave, surviving off the moss of the walls and eating his own hair could answer them. Yes, I didn't know some of the answers. So what? Bugger off.

The finale consists of a bizarre spectacle where we find Kay on what appears to be horizontal stair lift with a big red buzzer attached haphazardly to it which moves away from the contestant at a speed which can only be recorded using a calendar. Anywho, the contestant has to answer five questions to win a cool hundred grand before the stair lift reaches the end of the 19 yards. So simple, man in cave or indeed I can understand it.

Overall, another fun way to spend an hour which you could otherwise be doing something constructive for humanity. Like writing a blog on how much you don't like something, something important to civilisation like that. I'm off for a cry now at my own hypocrisy. Til next time people!


 
Dan

Autistic Driving School- BBC3- Sunday 2nd May @9pm- 9 out of 10

In the past, this reviewer has been critical of BBC3 documentaries, describing them as "a slow boat ride down a river made of schadenfreude water with the same constant soundtrack of contemporary mainstream-indie music and b-list celebrity voiceovers replacing the sound of wind whispering through trees." The Beeb's adherence to this format is showcased in shows such as Blood, Sweat and Luxuries where the viewer is invited to a 'laugh-at-posh-teenagers-struggle-in-the-real-world' party. So, it was with some trepidation that the play button was clicked on iPlayer for Autistic Driving School.

But every so often it is good to be proven wrong and this is one of those times. Autistic Driving School is a genuinely sensitive, thoughtful documentary from beginning to end. It focuses on a number of young people with varying degrees of autism and how this impacts upon their learn capability to learn to drive and their driving abilities.

All have different kinds of autism. Some, like 17 year old Chris, who has semantic pragmatic disorder, has issues with perceptions of speed, the consequences of which are obvious with regard to driving. Sam, 19, has difficulty with words, particularly double meanings (such as wait and weight) and this leaves him struggling to cope with the theory element of the test.

Another, 17 year old Scott, who has dyslexia, ADHD and OCD struggles with issues of nerves and self esteem. His instructor Andy explains that he has all the natural ability in the world but his self confidence issues mean that he is mentally set up to fail.

All three of these young people pass their respective tests and it is at times like this that the sensitivity of the documentary is most noticeable. When the teenagers inform their parents of the results of their tests, the camera keeps a respectable distance at this emotional time.

The real star of the show, however, is Julia, one of only two autistic driving instructors in the UK. Julia suffers from Aspergers Syndrome and so finds communication and social skills difficult. Her explanations of how people with autism process things in their minds gives a superb insight into the difficulties that learning to drive brings. For example, you can't say "next left" or "straight over the roundabout" because they will be taken literally. Julia takes on a pupil who also has Aspergers and hasn't driven for 3 years due to a lack of confidence. The way in which Julia builds up her new pupils confidence on the road is one of the most heart-warming 5 minutes of television you will see this year.

Although Autistic Driving School has elements of BBC3 documentary-itis, such as the needless use of contemporary music, the pros easily over rule the cons. The interviewing style of people with autism is sensitive and engaging but not afraid to ask the difficult questions. Credit for this must go to interviewer, narrator, producer and director Osca Humprheys for a superb hour of television. Give it a watch.


Dan

Cemetery Junction- (15)- 9 out of 10

Let us begin with a confession. I do not like Ricky Gervais. I do not find him funny in anyway at all. Admittedly, Extras had it's moments I'll admit and I can appreciate the role The Office played in redefining the British sitcom but I just don't particularly like the man or his style of comedy. Furthermore, it seems that if you are from Reading you have to love him.

However, this is a genuinely funny, touching, moving film so my kudos must go to Gervais and writing partner Stephen Merchant, who I have always much preferred of the pair.

The movie documents the lives of three friends in a 1970s dead-end town and how their differing personalities potentially destroy their lifelong friendship. Freddie Taylor (Christian Cooke) discovers that there's more to life than shagging, drinking and fighting but then finding out there is also more to it than getting a 9-5, buying a house and wondering who the fuck you are in the morning to quote Trainspotting, which this film is very similar to, minus the heroin. Whilst another, Bruce (Tom Hughes), is very happy with what he has, basically being a big fish in a small pond, working in a factory in the week, getting pissed and laid at the weekend.

What is encapsulated perfectly is the feeling of growing up in a dead end town, whatever part of the country you are from. The fact that this reviewer is from Reading, the town Cemetery Junction is largely based on, only adds to the sense of trying to escape such a life.

Despite the stunning performances from Cooke and Hughes, the awesome soundtrack and the superb gritty, vintage style of filming, you just cannot escape the fact that the script is masterfully written and full kudos must go to Gervais and Merchant for producing something truly brilliant.

A highlight is the conversations held between the three generations of the Taylor family about racism, class, culture, identity are conversations that anyone that was 18 between the early 1970s to the present day can remember having with their own parents and grandparents.

Also, again from a personal standpoint, the characters are all very Reading, with very Reading accents, very Reading sayings, very Reading opinions and ultimately a very Reading (i.e. rather poor) sense of self worth in life.

Ultimately, Cemetery Junction has the potential to be one of the year's standout films and a springboard for a new assault on the film industry from Gervais and Merchant . If they can keep this up, my opinion of Gervais may change also.

PS. there is a place in Reading called Cemetery Junction but this of course adds to the metaphor of the title. Wonderful


Dan

Frank Skinner’s Opinionated- BBC2- Fridays @10pm- 8 out of 10

Back in the halcyon days of the 1990's when there was a post-Cold War hope for peace, a charismatic man in both the White House and Number 10 (Clinton and Blair, not Bush and Major!) and Cool Britannia TM, there was a show where two men sat on a sofa and spoke things. My dad liked it. My mum hated it. A youthful me, perhaps in shorts though hopefully not, had no idea what was going on. I probably wanted to watch Rugrats to be honest.

Fast forward 10 or 15 years and these two men have evolved beyond all recognition. From being accident architects of the lad culture of the 1990s, with their football banter and generally sexist jokes, David Baddiel has written a sensitive comedy about Jews and Muslims. Meanwhile, Frank Skinner has a radio show and this, Frank Skinner's Opinionated.

The style of the show is very similar to all of Skinner's television work, large on audience interaction, although there is now more of a chat show aspect where Skinner talks to his guests, usually comedians.

This is Skinner's first time back on TV for since he finished Baddiel and Skinner Unplanned back in 2005 and since then he long since evolved. He has a much more refined comedy technique, less reliance on sexist and controversial jokes. He has a very broad, diverse style of comedy ranging from current affairs to self-depreciation and all stops in between.

The studio looks remarkably like Question Time, likewise, the whole road show element where different cities play host every week. The content, however, is not quite Question Time. Despite promising more current affairs based comedy, politics is usually used as a spring board for anecdotes from the three comedians.

Every so often however, genuinely interesting subjects are raised. In the first episode, elocution and class are covered, as well as plastic surgery. What makes the show work is the deliberate placing of people with knowledge in these areas in the audience. For example, they had a woman with the world record for most number of plastic surgeries, which prompted intelligent, thoughtful and yes at times, humorous, comments from the host, his guests and the audience.

This reviewer has often been critical of the number of current affairs based comedy shows on the BBC at the minute but this is a genuinely new approach to a format that should be applauded and a great showcase for Skinner's talent that is properly blossoming as his career goes on.

Marco’s Kitchen Burnout- ITV1- Fridays @ 9pm- 7 out of 10

Chefs. Don't you love angry ones. Ones that can multi-task. Ones that can cook, appear on TV, shout at people and swear like a sailor all at the same time, like a drunk man at a fancy dress party. My personal favourite is Marco Pierre White and his show, egotistically titled Marco's Kitchen Burnout.

Basically, what happens is three people (I refuse to call them celebrities on grounds of honesty) are let into White's restaurant to cook for regular punters. This time around, the three untrained chefs are comedian Jason Byrne (who somehow is given that job title without being funny), 'actress 'Debra Stevenson and professional wife of a football manager Nancy Dell'Olio who resembles a disenfranchised hawk. Stuffed with botox.

But of course the real star is White himself, who we find wearing a scarf that occasionally becomes headwear for some reason only known to Marco himself, although it does make him look a bit like a younger, less walnut-like Keith Richards.

Marco really is a scary example of a human being who shouts and goads like an insane man awaiting the arrival of a bus whilst completely oblivious to the fact he is stood next to a tree and not a bus stop. "How's my sea bream?! How's my sea bream?! How's my sea bream?! Table one! Table one! Table one! " he exclaims at no-one in particular.

The show is narrated by Alexander Armstrong, who I imagine sat in some kind of Blaine-esque Perspex box over the action, commenting on it like it's a bizarre kind of social experiment where people are subjected to torture by kitchen at the hands of a merciless chef, which is basically what this show is in fact.

The series consists of a series of heats, cos the show is called Marco's Kitchen Burnout. Get it? Yeah I did too, sadly. Continuing the semantic field, there are a lot of fires in the kitchen, although that might be more to do with the contestants cookery skills.

For their main challenge, contestants get to pick out ingredients from a mobile larder type thing (basically the fruit and veg aisle in Tesco, just in the back of a truck). The fact that three people, without training, can pick out enough variety of food for making 3 course meals for 24 people is rather impressive, or perhaps not strictly accurate. Surely they have professional help, for health and safety reasons at the very least.

Anywho, after the three contestants serve, and don't kill the customers, Marco gives them a score out of 100 and the two highest advance through to endure more torture sessions before an inevitable breakdown culminating in one of them committing the ultimate sin using a spatula. But they won't broadcast that. Cowards.


Dan